NOTES

This is my dream. 

Please hear me,

I am not a professional I realized, I have no such talent. I am an artist, art is where after ten years of self-scrutiny I found myself again and finally. Art is my refuge, my sanctuary, my salvation, it is kingdom for my rage, where my truth is born and made. Some achieve artistry in their professions, some achieve professionalism in their arts and both are valid and respectable paths into personal evolution, of humility, of pride and meaning in working toward greater humanity. 

Self-awareness has helped me override self-consciousness. There is no reality for me, only truth; there is no belief in me, only faith. The unknown possibilities live inside me, growing in its magnificence inside me. All life ends, all hearts are broken, a friend said once, also, I am everything you cannot control.

I began my creative journey in photography... pole dance... then I found love in poetry, angel of music, growing friendship with philosophy, growing awareness in the pursuit of philosophical thinking and reflection. A decade of journalling privately, openly, romantically, practically... and I am arrived at a new depth... brave new challenges welcome me - publication? production? performance? To be private and independent... to attain a place of my own and to pay my dues? I am scared yes, yet I am looking forward. This duality has always existed and it will never cease to be so. But a fearless scare, that  is where we find our livelihood, a natural instinct which calls upon our strength and courage to protect what we ought to protect. 

I have learned to gain consciousness without egotism, learned articulate, learned intuitive. Awareness, communication, objectivity. Hoped for and earned. Process is necessary for progress and progress is living breathing joy. 

My art expression. My freedom. I live for my dream.

buying my own place and studio
mastering my beloved and cherished instruments
becoming free from self-consciousness
finding true love, marrying, and having children
voyaging endless, dancing, writing
taking pride in my work, for my children
providing refuge for creators

In gratefulness I pray. 2022 May 31